Something to Say

We've all got it...

Creating is magical.

It’s also HARD.

Can you see my crown? Yeah, I can’t see it either — coffee art is not my medium. I’m a writer. I learned to call myself so during my first writing class, as somewhat of a “fake it ‘til you make it” endeavor. But “making it” is a moving target.

What started as a creative lark launched an inspirational journey of discovery - what I am capable of? what do I enjoy? how does the literary world work? how do I keep going? how can I surround myself with community? how will I establish structure? The more I’ve come to understand, the more there is to know.

Amidst valiant attempts to chip away at the learning, and glorious “not quite there yet” outcomes, the continuing question is when will it be Enough?

A couple of years into my creator journey, I’ve experienced a full range of emotions:

- wounds - from not feeling seen, accepted or wanted for what I’m creating

- clarity about the fickle truths of the publishing world, and about the need for luck above and along with talent and effort

- exhilaration at the inspiration I find in the ordinary (not surprisingly, I’m a champion of daily, weekly, seasonal epiphanies that supercharge my motivation and help me keep on keeping on) Magic shows up in my continual seeking.

- positive intention - plans, routines, meaning well and trying hard, until…

- stuckness - it’s inevitable, on repeat. But inspiration plus intention plus trying new things can help you reset (see my friend Pam’s book, Doodle Your Way Out of Stuckness)

- peace - Some days, some weeks even, I am able to breathe deeply and allow myself to be okay, whether I ever traditionally publish or gain volumes of subscribers (though you should still tell your friends 😊);

This week, an editor and mentor told me, I should create “to sustain myself,” and so I shall, unless…

- distraction - when you work from home, it’s constant; when you tack on “extra” responsibilities to justify your creative existence, it’s constant; perhaps there’s some unexplored Magic in this constancy.

- dogged determination - about learning, growing, producing, banging my head against the proverbial wall without damaging it. If this were a flow chart, the arrows would continuously circle from here to positive intention and back again.

All these stages of the creative journey, though fruitful and necessary, are frustrating. The more I cycle through them, the more I wonder - as we all do - is it Enough?

It is. Slowly, awkwardly, my journey is leading to a creative crux: my Something to Say.

We all have moments when we wonder, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” (Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles) What makes our efforts meaningful and worthwhile?

The answer lies in Something each of us synthesizes from internal beliefs, learnings built as we journey, close-held truths, faith, hard-won wisdom, overcoming, enduring, hurting, healing, grace, and Magic. These ideas can take flight in our creations.

But it’s scary sometimes.

When I started writing, I leaned on the belief that it was “just for fun.” I held it a little apart from my true self, so it couldn’t be judged harshly, and I couldn’t fail. But that safety zone kept me from accessing both my real intention and my Something to Say.

Now, as I endeavor to dig deeper, to create from an authentic space, I’m committed to recognizing and revealing my Something. It’s not always easy to know. But the Magic of creative efforts - be they written, knitted, drawn, pieced together from hard, soft, or edible materials, notes of melody, snapshots - even the milk in a latte - is that they share your Something to Say with the world.

I still don’t know when or how it will be Enough. It’s easy to doubt. The world judges. I judge. I am judged - in equal measures.

But Ray Bradbury said that in order not to miss life, “you’ve got to jump off the cliff all the time, and build your wings on the way down.^”

So,I will have to Say my Something and without knowing how it will be received. I’ll need to accept the capabilities of my hands, heart, and mind. Tomorrow, I can always work to make it better.

I’ll raise my next latte to celebrate YOU, finding YOUR Something, saying it, and feeling that it is Enough.

However it turns out, it’s bound to taste good 😊.